Saturday, June 19, 2004

It's All About Me

Got my hair done yesterday. It was time for some "personal" froo froo time. I was starting to get that "crack ho" look on my locks my husband hates and named such.

So I ventured to a new salon. One hour drive, one way. Appropriately-named the title of this entry, I knew it had possibilites. The last, I've lost track, ten hair appts. have all been highlight disasters. I was beginning to feel I'd never find anyone in my area. I seriously contemplated going back to my natural color. Boring "dirty blond." Whatever this is, but my mother used it as the description when I was a kid. Genetics. A girl's whole psyche is strongly effected by her hair. As if you didn't know this. New beginning, new highlight, maybe a new cut.

I have had the same hairstyle for 8 years. The rest of my life is changing, so my hair must as well. My symbol.
I have been getting emails from my web-fans....why aren't you reporting anything new on your site? Where ARE you? I am almost giddy...sorry, THAT life is going away. They won't be able to find me on my blog, and YOU won't be able to find me on my other website, either. Unless you really really know me, which you don't, so HA!

I have A&P test #2 this week. Must do better than #1, Must do better than #1. I have also signed up for some volunteering at my local hospital for extra credit for the course.

Received my medical school info packet. I review the DVD that came with it for a little study-motivation.

Other than eat sleep study, and my other part time job, things are still that they are changing a lot.

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

My Personal Time, a Poem....

Lost exercise
Skeletal muscle in movie props
ER lost episodes
Discovery Health Channel
Can't find it, it's almost gone
with me, I find restful nights
a luxury.
The plants are thirsty.
wash that car
clean that floor
solitude and sanity.
I am tired now.

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

The Day After Today

Now I know what it really feels like to be a 100 percent student. Spent from 6am until 7pm, with small breaks for lunch, studying for just one A&P test. My husband calls it "doing my pushups." When you apply for an EMT/Paramedic job for the county, you have to take a physical test. The women get to do something like 20 situps in X amt of time, 20 pushups in the same. In my better days I would laugh at this, but now in my mid thirties, I look with some anxiety. Do I REALLY want a job with th county, anyway? I have no interest in fighting fires, only working as an EMT or eventually a medic. My EMT instructor looks at it like this. You start with one pushup. Then you do as many as you can. The, next week you do a few more, because you can. Then you are at the goal without any problems. My studying is like this.

8am: Oh my GOD, what have I gotten myself into?! I HAVE to get an A in this course, or I am screwed for medical school.There is just too much to go over and not enough time. Why didn't I take more time studying this sh*t before now?! I know better than this. Beating up me has now come to a conclusion...for the moment.
10:00am: Where did 2 hours just go?
12:00pm: OK, making some headway. I know more than I thought (I think, anyway.)
1:00pm: I am crying. My husband is voicing my/our alternatives for the future. Don't put so much pressure on one test. Fear of the unknown. Stretching the brain muscle a bit far for its emotional liking. Its revenge is these stupid tears. I am not hungry, but I eat. My DH (Darling Husband) takes care of me with a nice meal.
2:00: OK, I have put off Glucose Metabolism and Protein Synthesis long enough. Time to attack them before my 4pm sleepytime hits me.
4:30pm: I head to the bedroom for a small nap...
5:30pm: Back to work. Shiny objects distract me. Stay focused, I am in the home stretch today.
6:30pm: Break for dinner. DH called into work for ASAP (he's a paramedic floater, you see.)
7-8:30pm: More shiny things distract me. "Shiny things include":
-stray cat socialization
-some more exciting med school websites
8:30pm: finish with a little protein synthesis. I will get up early tomorrow. Mornings are best for me. Brush up before I get to class. I am nappy held a lovely dream of studies, and I am only into test one!

Mostly I think it is that dreaded fear of the unknown. I would hope it would get better, but next test will feature all the lab stuff we haven't done yet, then it is a new style test. It'll keep me on my toes, at least.

What else is important in my life? Well, with Reagan passing I would like to feel badly, but just him discrediting my DH's medical school in the 80's is enough to think twice. He'd be a doctor right now, doing what he loves for more $$, too. He went the paramedic route after that to be able to have some control (ala intubation, for example.)Watched a minute of TV (for the first time in 3 weeks.) Vaccuumed. That's a first in three weeks, too. What was the name of the Jetson's robot-maid?

Until next time...

Saturday, May 22, 2004

What to do When You Can't Type?

And you have always wanted to publish a blog? I guess I hunt and peck until I get the time to learn. 35 and you would think I would have learned by now. I have been too busy with work, with who knows what, in a blur of time that now I am going, "where did the time go?"

A little bit about me. Not going to get into what I have done in the past. Let's just say I have spent some time in front of the TV, doing what I love and what I didn't love for the past 12 years. My father's death led me down a road early in life of doing what is important to me at the time, without waiting around for so called retirement. With it came sunrises over the Atlantic Ocean, sunsets in Las Vegas, the largest catsup bottle in mid America, Route 66 photo ops, all with the husband and the cats. No children...that's for another time.

Now when others are starting to think about their children's college funds, I am doing the same, only for me. Time to finish school and make some decisions about my second future...about OUR second future. My fear at this point is to decide based upon what I think others will respect. Not to say I didn't want my 1st profession. I just think part of me wondered if my father wouldn't have been proud of me, and now I wonder if my husband would respect me more for deciding to follow a healing career. You see, my goal is medical school. Starting at 35. Well, I am not the first at this age. Kicking the brain into gear. New Pressures. Straight A's in Anatomy & Physiology, Chemistry. The brain synapses are recalling my high school years, my relationships, why and how I ended up here. I am trying to focus on not becoming overwhelmed; an easy trait from my genetic standpoint with a mother like the Sally Field ER character. What am I doing here? How can I stay on a path without veering into confusion, or worse yet, depression, which is where I have teetered the past 8 months. I am slowly putting my old life to bed, and it is so difficult at a slow pace. It's almost worth it for BAM!-quick change.

But no, this'll be a slow, painful exit from my former life, my former friends (the few I have made over the years.)

One of my favorite shows of all time is Northern Exposure. Way ahead of itself. I have a book my husband bought me for Valentines Day, of all romantic things. It is "Chris in the Morning...Love, Life, and the Whole Karmic Enchilada." Did you know the first show title after the pilot episode was called "Brains, Know-How, and Native Intelligence?" a-la my blog.